Updates...

- My friend Angela had been wanting to find a Chinese phrase that is the equivalent to "Who do you think you're talking to?" It is kind of a long story explaining why we wanted to learn this phrase. If you want the story, it is below, but if not, you can skip the next paragraph.

In the Lost in Translation DVD, they go behind the scenes while filming. Bill Murray has a phrase book entitled "Making Out in Japanese" that is for people that are college-age. The only Japanese Bill Murray learns is the phrase "Who do you think you're talking to? Eh? Eh?" Which he aggressively, but jokingly, says to all the Japanese workers on the set.

The other night, while talking to our Scottish friend, Daniel, he told us that a phrase he uses when people are staring at him is "What do you think you are looking at?" It is phonetically pronounced "Khan shuh-ma khan." I haven't used it in public yet (I am waiting for a group of teenagers to stare at me) I have been using it around Chinese people I know. I walked into my class the next day and everyone became quiet and looked at me. So I looked back at them, squinted my eyes and said, "Kan sheme kan? Eh? Eh?" and then the entire class erupted in laughter.

My students love when I speak Chinese. They think it's the funniest thing in the world. Not that my pronunciation is that bad (well...maybe), but they just think it's funny to hear foreigners speak their language.

- We've been hanging out with a lot of the other foreigners recently. One that just arrived is a Scot named Mike.
When I introduced myself I said, "Hi, my name is Josh."
He said, "My name is MAKE!"
I said, "Mike?!"
He said, "MAKE!"

Supposedly, he is teaching English, but by the way he talks, I have no idea how the students understand him. I can only imagine the twisted and confused expressions on their faces as he talks about how rugby splayers are all "wankas" or how politics is "complete shite." I think the English department at his school collectively put their heads in their hands when they met him face to face.

- There is a bar not far from my campus that we affectionately call the "Foreigner Bar" or the "McDonald's Bar" (being next door to McDonald's). Last night I brought out these two Norwegians, Hanna and Bjorn (and yes, Colin, I talked about black metal with them), and told them it was the Foreigner Bar. Lo and behold, we walk into the bar, the only people there are all the Drake people and many of the foreign teachers as well. Bjorn exclaimed, "This IS the foreigner bar!" Bjorn and Hanna are very soft spoken and a little reserved but they had fun. Especially with all the obnoxious U.K. people yelling out lines from Braveheart (making fun of Mike) or having a dancing competition in the middle of the bar. At the end of the night, they asked, "Are we going out again tomorrow night?" haha.

- (I knew something else was supposed to go here, but I'll just add it later when I can remember what it was)

This next week is another Chinese holiday so we get the entire week off. We are going to Inner Mongolia (which is considered a province of China). Maybe we will ride horses on the great plains of Mongolia? All I know is that it's going to be really cold and Mongolians drink a lot.


The end of this post will be dedicated to all the crazy things that my students and other Chinese say to me. So check back regularly:

"Mr. Gaston, call of nature." - my student T.T., it took me a minute but I started laughing before he left to go to the bathroom

Des Moines Friendship Garden

I can't believe I've forgotten to write about this until now.

Last Monday, everyone had the day off from school because the day before was the Mid-Autumn Festival Day, the national holiday I wrote about in a previous post. Anyway, a bunch of us went to this huge amusement park type place that also had a very large area dedicated to vegetation (not exactly gardens, but you know...just plants and trees.) We see a sign for the Des Moines Friendship Garden because Shijiazhuang is Des Moines' sister city.


The pictures tell the rest of the story.

We were all slightly embarassed, but very amused.

Me Looking at You Looking at Me

Now that I've finally gotten used to getting stared at all the time, I've started to have fun with it. Many Chinese will wait until you pass them on the street to look back and stare. I've caught on to this, so I started looking back to see if they are looking back at me. About 70% of the time, they will be looking back and they immediately divert their attention when they see me looking back. It's actually a really fun game to play. Otherwise, I just stare back at people who stare at me when we are walking and they are sitting down or standing somewhere and eventually they get embarassed and look somewhere else.

One time I noticed this woman on a bus staring at me as the bus was driving by. So I stared back at her, made a face, and put my finger right up my nose. Surprisingly, her expression did change one bit.

My friend Sable has a harder time than all of us because she is African American. It almost seems that most Chinese people have never seen an African American before in real life so they stare at her more than anyone else. The other day, we were sitting waiting for a bus, and this older gentleman wouldn't stop staring up and down at Sable. Then I stared at the guy until he looked away (I'm a total badass, I know). Then Sable said, "When that guy was staring me up and down, I know he was just thinking, 'What the f---?'" That made me laugh.

My favorite time is when I was walking down the street at night and there was these two drunk Chinese men sitting on the curb. As we kept walking we got about half a block away from the two men and I heard one of them yell:

"HELLOOOOOOOO!!! WELCOME TO CHINAAAAAAAA!!!"

Unfortunately, I can't replicate the audio with the accent and everything, but I don't think I've laughed that hard since I've been in China.

Also, we all get a lot of Chinese who either want to take a picture with us, or will secretly take a picture of us while we are not looking. We're kind of like celebrities but I'm going to try and not let it go to my head, haha. The other day, a photojournalist wanted to take pictures of a couple of the girls from Drake, Megan and Sara, and so they posed for him right outside of this mall. Pretty hilarious stuff.

I was just sitting eating my lunch the other day and I saw this couple just one table away taking a picture of me on their cell phone...so I of course, just stared back until they got uncomfortable.

Mid-Autumn Day Festival

First of all, karaoke in China rules. We went to a karaoke (KTV) place downtown on Thursday night. There was about 15 of us and they put us in a room. We did it for about 2 hours. Here is a list of some of the songs we sang: "Killer Queen", "Dancing Queen", "Bohemian Rhapsody", "I Wanna Dance With Somebody", "Hungry Like The Wolf", "Girl, You'll Be A Woman Soon", "Lyin' Eyes"...anyway, it was awesome.

This last Sunday was one of the biggest holidays in China's calendar, The Mid-Autumn Day Festival. From what I gather, it is a time to celebrate family, harvest, and each other. One big there is this desert type of cookie that is really hard to describe called a mooncake that is associated with the holiday. It's mighty tasty.

Anyway, Kara, Alissa, and Willie's school had asked them to go to this dinner party to represent their school in celebration of Mid-Autumn day. Their school had also requested that they bring another guy and girl to perform something "American." I don't want to ruin the story by saying what we did, but, needless to say we did not practice that much.

None of us really knew what the itinerary for our trip was. We learned the day of the dinner party that 1. This dinner party is open to the public, 2. It is next to a Buddhist temple (which was definitely a pleasant surprise), 3. It is 45 minutes outside of the city and we will get there by shuttle. Once we get there they lead us up this hill to a Buddhist temple and shrine which we explore for about 30 minutes. One of the monks explains the meaning behind Mid-Autumn Day (it was in Chinese, so I'm not really sure if this is what she actually explained.) While we are exploring tons of Chinese are taking pictures of us. Some secretly and others asking if they can. A couple news reporters talked to us about Mid-Autumn Day and why we decided to come to China to become teachers.

After the Buddhist temple, we make our way back down the hill to the dinner party, which is right on the lake. There was a full moon and eventually all the lamps around the area are lit up. With all the traditional Chinese music in the background, it was definitely a sight to behold.

Eventually the entertainment begins. There are three separate acts from Beijing Opera that includes music played by many traditional Chinese instruments. There was one guy who sang whose veins and eyes seemed to be bulging out from his head and he looked straight ahead the entire time. Whatever he was singing about it must have been very serious. We are the 6th or so act of the night. Then there was a 10 year old girl who played a stringed instruments that is laid horizonatally on its side and is played by being picked. Not sure what it's called...

So after all these amazing singers and musicians perform. They call the Meiguoren (Americans) on stage to perform. We all stand facing the crowd of Chinese that have gathered around to see the Americans make fools of themselves. We line up on stage and music comes on. "Achey Breaky Heart" plays as we begin line dancing. That's right. After all these great musicians presented their art to us, we line danced (and not even that well). Anyway, during the performance, little girls came up to give us apples and flowers. We got a good crowd response, but I for one, felt a little foolish.

A news reporter asked me, "Why did you choose this song and dance?"
I gave the best answer I could.
"It's music and dancing that was created in America. Plus it's an easy dance most people can do."
"Is it popular in certain regions."
"Yea, the Southern United States."
haha

- Josh

First Week of Classes

The night before and the morning of my first class I got pretty anxious. Dressed in my Sunday best, I made the five minute walk to the building I would be teaching at and walked into the hustle and bustle of my classroom. As soon as I walked in, the room came to a hush besides some whispers and giggles. I look at the faces of my first class and there are about has 25 grinning, giggling, faces while there are also about 5 that appear indifferent. That's 25 girls and 5 boys if you were wondering. As I've mentioned before, the girls at my school look incredibly young, and the girls in my class are no different.

The first class goes surprisingly well. I introduced myself, laid out some expectations for the class on both an individual and group basis, had the students introduce themselves. I asked each student to tell me their Chinese name and their English names (most already have both.) One girl introduced her English name as Laura, but said, "You can call me Potato."

In talking with other Drake teachers, many of the Chinese have chosen English names that are...unique. Willie said that two of his students were named "Monkey" and both said their favorite food were bananas. Another one of Willie's was named "Darkness." In my experiences so far, there has been "Echo" and "Hammy." I thought Hammy's name was particularly funny because she was a short, stout girl, who's smile revealed a bright row of braces. She said that a Drake teacher last year had chosen the name for her! But then I talked to the Drake teacher and she said she had given the girl two choices, and the girl chose Hammy. It's not uncommon to hear girls with boy names. I had a female "Justin" in one of my classes today. I guess whatever floats their boat...

I then asked the students to help me make a list of topics they would like to discuss this semester concerning American Culture (I am teaching Oral English with an emphasis on American Culture.) Two different girls both said that they would like to know how to improve on their ping pong skills. I'm not sure how that relates to either Oral English or American Culture, but I told them I would do what I can.

Strangely enough, there were two girls in one of my classes who claimed to be merely auditing the class because they "had heard I was teaching it." One went on to say that I "had a very beautiful way of speaking." Things are getting a little strange...

In each of my classes so far. I've been asked for my contact information by at least one girl, and following the advice of others, I have told my students only to contact me during my office hours in the same building...


- Josh

Chinese College Students

So I'm sure I'll have more to post on this once I start teaching but, as you may be able to guess, Chinese college students are very much unlike American college students. As Jake (my Chinese, graduate student friend) was explaining to me, very few Chinese college students like to have "fun", and all they do is study.

Also, Chinese students look very very young from what I've seen. Some of the students (girls especially) look like they are no older 14 or 15.

Apparently, Chinese students can become very "attached" to their foreign teachers. Other Drake kids who have already started teaching have recounted how their students have begun following them around after class. We are never supposed to give out numbers or e-mail addressess to any of our students (but we do have office hours).

Anyway, this is all leading up to an experience I had the other day. I was reading outside and these two girls approached me.
"Excuse me, are you from the U.K.?"
A little taken back from such an odd question, I said, "No I'm from the United States."
"Oh...because I have a friend from the U.K., I thought you were from the U.K."
uh... "Is your friend studying here?"
"No..."
ok... "How do you know him?" (I just assumed gender)
"Over the internet..."

Then we talked about what they were studying, what I am doing in China, etc.
Definitely one of the most awkward conversations I've ever had. I felt as though I was talking to 12 year olds.

Finally they asked for my e-mail address. I felt bad, but I gave them a fake one...

- Josh

Funny Anecdotes

A few short, funny experiences I've had my first week in China:

- A lot of little kids in China have holes in their pants so they can poop and pee as they please...in public. Usually they do it next to a tree but not always. Anyway, I was walking down the street exploring the surrounding neighborhoods of my campus when this little kid, probably about three years old, waltzed out of this storefront and proceeded to pee down the stairs of this store, practically right in front of me.

- I was walking around my campus when all of the sudden this Chinese kid rides up to me on his bike and says, "Excuse me, do you speak English?" Apparently, he wanted me to help him understand these documents which would allow his uncle to apply for citizenship in Canada. The language in the documents was such that was difficult for me to even understand the instructions on sending in the payment for applying. I told him his best bet was to e-mail the company to ask them the questions directly. I did notice there was a required Language Level Test that the documents mentioned. Later I thought, "If I don't know what this document is asking, and this kid couldn't understand the language in the documents, and his uncle had given it to him to take care of it for him, there is no way his uncle is going to become a Canadian citizen based on the Language Level Test."

- I ate "dark cat" the other day, it wasn't too bad.

- I walked around this corner only to see this little kid running wildly with what looked like to be a huge knife in his hand, screaming at the top of his lungs as he did so. It really looked like a real knife which slightly scared me, especially since it seemed like he was coming at me for a split second. So I just kept on walking and heard the kid fall behind me. I looked back and he seemed to be ok. I then walked by his dad (grandpa?) who wasn't paying him too much mind, so I figured it was probably a toy knife.

- Time does not really seem like any real object to the Chinese people. My contact (waiban) told me on Friday he needed to meet with me on Sunday to see the other side of campus (which is, confoundingly, half an hour away by shuttle) but he didn't give me an exact time to meet. So he called my room a little after 9 in the morning on Sunday, waking me up at, and told me to meet him in the lobby in 10 minutes. When he told us we have medical examinations this Tuesday, I made sure and ask him what time.

- Traffic = Chaos. In it's purest form. Buses and cars swerve in and out of their lanes, more often than not to avoid bicyclists who drift out of THEIR lanes. People are constantly honking to avoid accidents. The first honks I hear start around 6:00 or 6:30 in the morning and go on well into the evening. Taking a 15 minute taxi ride downtown, I thought we narrowly avoided 5 or so traffic accidents (and I'm pretty sure my taxi driver thought we narrowly avoided at least one). The honking doesn't bother me so much as people not bothering to change their brake pads on their vehicles or wax up their brakes on their bikes so you hear high pitched squeals at each intersection as traffic comes to a stop.

- I shaved my beard off

That's about all I think of for now. I'll post some pictures and shit soon enough. I start teaching a week from today!

- Josh

Smooth Arrival!!!

Despite traveling for over 24 hours, everything went smoothly. The most difficult part occurred when all I wanted to do was take a hot shower and I could not for the life of me figure it out. The shower water is filtered through this huge contraption and it's not even that complicated. There is really only lever that switches between various degrees of hot and cold. The thing is that you have to plug it in for a long time to warm the water (at least that's what I'm assuming now). In any case, I kind of took a shower without standing in the shower if you can imagine how ridiculous that looked. Other than that my apartment is nice and fairly large (at least by Chinese standards).

On another note, Chinese food has been great. Pork and beef dumblings and an amalgam of other things.

My foreign affairs office contacts have been incredibly hospitable and helpful and they showed me around campus and the surrounding area today. One of them goes by the name Sam.

Once I get more settled in, I swear I will have more interesting posts than this.

- Josh